Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Why Are You Holding On? Case #3
Case #3:
Misc reasons people hold onto things they aren't actually using/enjoying. Shocker alert: sometimes it's a GOOD reason to keep something, I don't believe in getting rid of things just for the sake of it. I believe in people having an honest dialogue with themselves to make the right decision for them. Helping people (re-)learn to listen to their gut, figuring out how they really want to live so they can surround themselves with the things that will allow them to do it.
EXAMPLES:
>It needs to be fixed...
How long has it been waiting to be repaired and how has your life been without it. How much will it be to repair it? If it's clothes to be tailored, try it on to make sure you still like it.
>It's a good thing to have...
Sure, it's good to have extra candles and a small battery operated radio in case of an emergency or blackout, but do you need tons of specialty camping gear when you haven't been camping in 10 years and don't see yourself doing it again anytime soon?
>I'm saving it for when I live in a bigger space...
Ok, if you realistically think you'll live in a bigger place, you'll actually use it, and it's worth the cost of storing then moving it. But if there's something you'd like to do someday, why not now? Like have a tea party? Or learn to cook? I encourage people to live the life they want NOW!
>It's an extra...
This is definitely where I push the 'how much would it cost to replace over how much it costs you to store it'. Keeping some cheap old toaster on the off chance your current toaster is going to break isn't a great reason, especially if you live in a small apt and you have to store it under your bed. If something is expensive or a hard to get item, then it may be worth holding onto.
>So and so gave it to me (or it was a gift)...
A. Stop it from coming in: Ask that person (nicely) that gives you things that you feel 'I guess I have to keep it' not to give you gifts anymore (did this with my mom, it's now a funny joke in my family). Or ask instead of gifts, you enjoy time together. For kids, start a savings acct and ask people to give to your child's future instead of cluttering up their present.
B. Keeping the right stuff: People keep things for 'show' in case they see the person again, I say use your own judgement. If you'll never see the person again and don't have a ton of emotional attachment to it, then pass it on to someone who will love it by donating, selling or giving it to someone you know.
>It's from my (family member)...
If you have something from a family member that you don't really love but feel guilty getting rid of, think about if there's another family member that would like it. If not, do you really think that the person who passed this down to you would be happy knowing that it's become burden to you? If you don't have the space, can't repurpose it in any creative way, then it's time to seriously think about passing it along to someone else.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Picture Break
Since the last few posts have been quite text heavy, here are a few pics from my inspiration file. Enjoy!
Reminder! Electronics Recycling Sunday (Tomorrow)
| The Lower East Side Ecology Center is having a recycling event Sunday the 25th, 10am - 4pm at PS 29 School Yard at Baltic Street between Henry and Clinton, in Cobble Hill. |
| Residential waste only, they won't accept commercial waste. There's no limit to how much stuff you can bring. Items they accept:
|
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Why Are You Holding On? Case #2 (part II)
Case #2:
Wife, mother of two young girls. Lives in a good size apt, has done a nice job of setting the place up but can improve some areas. The main issue is being more conscious about what comes in and getting a routine system for getting things out.
This post will show you some of her real responses for how/why she has a hard time editing and getting things out of the home.
"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good", a brilliant observation by Voltaire. Perfectionism is something that I see quite often as a reason so many people don't get things done. Check out The Happiness Project's great post on this topic.
EXAMPLES:
>I don't like the idea of going though my children's things without them, but when I try to do it with them, they get upset and don't want to let go of much.
Be age-appropriate when editing; under two years of age is generally fine to do without them, but use your discretion. Kids are hyper-observant of what you're thinking and feeling more than what you're saying. You've admitted you're uneasy about editing your own things so they sense that and mirror your emotions. Once you become comfortable with the idea of letting things go as part of life, they will become more comfortable with it. Editing should be a routine thing done at the same time every year, a good time is right before you know there are going to be a lot of new things coming in; around the holidays or birthdays.
I highly encourage parents to involve their kids in the editing process (at an appropriate age), and explain to them why you're doing it and where the things will eventually go. Most kids want to help and 'do good'. If you explain to them that the toys or clothes will go to another child who needs it, they may be more motivated to do it. Use your judgement; if you think your child is too young or sensitive about hearing about children in need, than phrase it in a way you're comfortable.
>My husband and I aren't completely sure we're not going to have another child. Should we save the clothes and toys our kids have outgrown in case we do? Same question for maternity clothes.
Good question! Same answer for both: edit out of things you don't like or didn't use and keep a manageable amount of things in case you need them for the future. Whatever you keep should be cleaned and stored in a way that will be easy for you to find when/if the time comes to use it (dividing by age is the best way). When/if you decide you won't have more children, donate them to a good cause.
>My lifestyle has changed after having two kids and I don't spend as much money on clothes as I used to. I have a hard time editing the clothes I have from my life 'before' because even though I don't really wear them anymore, I feel like if I get rid of the nice cashmere sweater I don't really wear now, I can't afford to buy a new one when I may want it again.
I don't advocate getting rid of things for the sake of it, or if you haven't worn/used it in X amount of time. If you have clothes that are too nice to wear around young kids but you still like, they still fit you and your image, keep but archive them. Clean and pack them up nicely for when you can wear them in the future. You should pack them away so they aren't taking up valuable space in your drawers or closet which should be for your everyday things. Keep a few pieces out for date nights, special events, or when you have adult time (if you don't have any adult time, maybe it's time to get some). Edit out anything you don't like and wouldn't wear now if you could. You could also downgrade certain pieces; wear things in a more casual way than you did before so you can enjoy them now.
>I have a hard time getting rid of things I've spent a lot of money on even if I honestly have no use for it now.
Don't let guilt force you to keep something that isn't adding to your life in some way. Nothing in life is a mistake if you learn from it. We've all spent too much on something, it happens, oh well! Try not to do it again. Try to sell it if you think you may get a decent amount for it. Just remember when trying to sell things, think about how much time and effort it will take to do so and how much you will get in return. Sometimes it's better just to get the write off when you donate it.
>I get stopped with certain things that I know I want to get rid of. I really want to make sure they go to good home rather than just donating it or selling it on craigslist.
You are not responsible for finding the perfect home for something you're already given a life to. You are responsible to make a good home and take the best care of your family and to yourself, not to your things! You bought your dining table on craigslist, did you know the person who sold it to you? Didn't you give it a good home? If it were one or two items you were talking about, I would say ok, but you have bags of things that need to go out that you KNOW you're just bringing to a local church and you barely have time to do that. It's these little tasks that you think are easy enough but they add up to where you are now, with piles of things that never get done...
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Why Are You Holding On? Case #2 (part I)
Wife, mother of two young girls. Lives in a good size apt, has done a nice job of setting the place up but can improve some areas. The main issue is being more conscious about what comes in and getting a routine system for getting things out.
This post will show you some of her real responses for how/why excessive things come into the home and how she can stop it. Tomorrow's post will focus on why she has a hard time editing.
The main thing to remember is that things should be seen as tools that help you live the life you want to live. That your things should add to life not take over it! Be conscious about what you take in and you'll have less to deal with at home. It's hard at first, but it's just a habit to get into; think before buying/taking...
EXAMPLES:
>I love the look of joy on my child's face when I buy her a little something when we're out. I really just want to make them happy. Though I will admit when we get home it usually ends up at the bottom of some drawer never to be seen again...
Relationships are more important than material things. No object is more important than the time and love you share with your family. Children need love, affection, and attention not more stuff.
>So many people offer me their outgrown clothes and toys for my kids. I pretty much take everything, cause I feel bad saying no, but after going though it, if and when I finally get to it that is, there's usually only a few things that I would actually keep.
You're allowed to say no when someone offers you something, whether it's a friend with kid's clothes, or free gift with purchase at the make-up counter. You pay for things in more ways than money; you pay in time, energy, and space. And I don't know anyone (especially a mother of two living in nyc) who has extra time, energy, or space! Yes sometimes it's nice to take things these kinds of 'gifts', but at this point you shouldn't take anything until you've gone through the bags and bags you've already have.
>Toys are always coming in, especially at birthday time, help!?
For children who are old enough, get them involved in non-profit organizations or charity. Instead of asking for gifts you can take donations, and instead of giving gift bags you make a small donation. You can still get your child a gift and give it to them before, during, or after the party. Tell people not to bring gifts for kids 1-2 years. The child doesn't know the difference anyway. I know parents who wrap up toys a child hasn't really played with so they 'at least have something to open', which while I don't love the idea of the whole 'something to open' part, it's a pretty good idea.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Why Are You Holding On? Case #1
So much of what I do is figuring out why clients hold onto things. This week, I'm going to address some of the common reasons and the method to work past them. If you haven't noticed, I believe in keeping things simple, but don't focus on quick fixes. I believe in going a little deeper but also not constantly reinventing the wheel for every situation in life.
3 STEPS TO LETTING GO:
- Identify the origin of the behavior, feeling, or tendency so you can release ownership of it.
- Understand you don't have the power to stop the thoughts in your head but you do have the power to control your response to them.
- Anticipate the feelings and thoughts that stop you from doing something you want to do so you can prepare your response. Write them down and keep them accesible so you have them on hand when you need them.
3 MAIN THINGS TO REMEMBER:
- Figure out what's most important to you in life, and how you want to live in your space.
- The things in your life should be seen as tools to help you live the life you want to live.
- You don't have to (nor should you) entertain every thought that comes into your head.
CASE #1
Recent college grad who moved across the country with a tendency to hoard. We identified that her hoarding tendencies were passed down from her parents. She felt much better knowing that it's usually passed on to children.
After much discussion, she nows has a good idea of how she wants to dress, feel and function in her space. She knows this may change over time but for now, she has a direction that is suited for her. Acknowledging that she tends to hold onto things, and knowing that doing so is not helping her to live the way she wants to live, is the most powerful tool she has against falling trap to her old ways.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Reminder! Electronics Recycling This Sunday
The Lower East Side Ecology Center is having another recycling event Sunday the 18th, 10am - 4pm at Morningside Park on Morningside Ave between 113th and 114th St in Harlem. |
| Residential waste only, they won't accept commercial waste. There's no limit to how much stuff you can bring. Items they accept:
|
Friday, April 9, 2010
Reminder! Electronics Recycling Tomorrow
| The Lower East Side Ecology Center is having an electronics recycling event tomorrow at the Tekserve @ 119 W 23rd St, Chelsea. 10am - 4pm |
| Residential waste only, they won't accept commercial waste. There's no limit to how much stuff you can bring. Items they accept:
|
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